Fixed on You Read online

  But this wasn’t his bed. This was the club. And whether I freaked out or not, mixing work with sex was never a good idea.

  Ah. Was that what David had been saying when he broke it off with me? What a moment for understanding to click in.

  I put my hands on the edge of the table. “I, uh, I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed. I need to go. You’ve given me a lot to think about.”

  I stood and he did too.

  “I wish you wouldn’t. But if you must…” He sounded needy, reflecting how I felt.

  I couldn’t look at him. If I did, I’d stay. “I’ve got to get to work.”

  I moved to the door and placed my hand on the knob. But Hudson’s palm pressed on the top of the door, holding it closed and trapping me between him and the wall.

  He lowered his head to my ear. “Wait, Alayna.” His breath tickled and burned simultaneously. I closed my eyes, taking it in, bearing it. “I apologize for overwhelming you. That wasn’t my intent. But I want you to know that whether or not you decide to help with my situation, I will continue to seduce you. I’m a man who gets what he wants. And I want you.”

  Um, holy wow.

  Turned on did not begin to describe how his statement made me feel.

  Then his mouth was on me, nibbling at my earlobe. I drew in a sharp breath. Involuntarily, I let my head roll to the side, granting him better access.

  And, man, did he take what I gave, nipping a trail down my neck, sending ripples of desire through my belly. I moved my hand off the doorknob and grabbed his arm to steady myself. He curled his other arm around me, his hand settling on my breast. I gasped at the contact, leaning in to his touch.

  He kneaded my breast as he nuzzled his face in my hair. “I should have told you earlier,” he said softly. “You look absolutely beautiful tonight. I can’t keep my eyes off you. Serious and sexy wrapped into one package.” He pressed against me and I could feel his erection at my lower back. “Kiss me, Alayna.”

  It was so hot how he used my name freely. As if it was his to use. And in many ways it was. Almost no one called me anything but Laynie. He’d claimed my name when he claimed me.

  All that was left was for me to accept it.

  His mouth was waiting as I turned my head. Instantly, he captured mine with his own and I whimpered. He slipped his tongue in possessively and skillfully, urging mine to come out and play. His kiss was just as demanding and confident as he was, his firm lips driving the tempo, stealing my breath and sending a firm buzz to my lady parts. God, imagine his lips down there…

  I shifted my body, needing more contact, and instinctively, he turned too so we were face to face. Wrapping my hands around his neck, I pulled him deeper, wanting to feel him in every part of my mouth. He knew what I needed, licking and stroking into me, as his hands slid down to clutch my ass.

  I wanted all of him. Screw my shift and any other excuse I’d made to myself during the course of the conversation. Even if it led to obsessing, I needed him inside me, and not only with his tongue. I rolled my hips against his, begging for him to touch me there, to ease the ache at my core.

  Hudson responded, moving his hands from my behind to my shoulders. Then he gently pushed me away, breaking our kiss, but leaving his hands on my shoulders as if trying to hold me at that distance.

  My mouth felt empty and cold as I struggled to calm my breathing. Hudson’s breaths were equally ragged, and he panted in rhythm with me. As my brain returned from a state of blissful haze, I became uneasy, unable to understand his sudden retreat.

  Recognizing my concern, Hudson moved his hand to brush my cheek. “Not here, precious. Not like this.” His other hand wrapped around my neck and he pressed his forehead against mine. “I will have you beneath me. In a bed. Where I can adore you properly.”

  His statement was a promise. A sensual threat that had me itching to make it come to pass.

  But I had to get to work. And he was right. A fast fuck in the bubble room would not nearly be enough for what I wanted with Hudson. No, needed. Hudson was far from what I wanted. But I’d gone beyond that now. I had to have him, bad for me though he may be.

  I closed my eyes as Hudson trailed a hand down to my bosom and reached inside. My eyes startled opened when, instead of feeling his fingers on my breast, I felt my phone being removed.

  He unlocked the screen and dialed a number. A moment later I heard his phone ring. “Now we have each other’s numbers. I expect you to use it.” He replaced my phone inside my bra cup, his eyes lingering on my cleavage before pulling me in to brush his lips across mine. “Call me when you’re ready. Tomorrow.”

  He kissed me swiftly and then was gone, leaving me to wonder if I’d be “ready” to call him as soon as tomorrow. And if I could wait that long.

  Chapter Five

  I woke up right before noon the next morning when I heard my phone buzz an incoming text. It was plugged in on the nightstand next to me, but I wasn’t ready to wake up, having gotten to bed after six.

  Lying with my eyes closed, I grinned into my pillow and recalled the events of the night before. The things Hudson had said to me, the way he’d kissed me, touched me—my heart sped up at the memory. Had all of that really happened? My obsessive relationship disorder made it really easy for me to imagine that things happened between me and others that actually hadn’t. It had been several years since I had fallen into those old habits. Now, was I doing it again?

  No, I wasn’t making it up. I couldn’t make up a kiss like that. It had happened. And I had wanted more to happen. But in the morning with distance and fresh eyes, I could see so much better how it shouldn’t happen. As much as I wanted him, I was already thinking about him way more than was healthy.

  I went through the steps of recognizing unnatural fixation in my mind:

  Did I think about Hudson to the point that it affected my work or daily life? I’d certainly thought about him a lot after he’d left the club, but I’d managed to work my shift without a problem.

  Did I think he was the only one for me? No way. In fact, I suspected I shouldn’t be mixed up with him at all.

  Did I believe I would never be happy if I didn’t see him again? I’d be disappointed, but not devastated. Well, probably not devastated. All right, I’d be devastated.

  Did I call him or visit him obsessively to the point of stalking? I didn’t know where he lived or worked. If I was fixating, I’d have figured that out before I’d gone to bed that morning. I didn’t even have his number.

  Oh, wait, I did. But I hadn’t used it. I was fine. For the moment.

  Still, I couldn’t help but wonder why he wanted to be with me. Hudson Pierce held celebrity status. He could date supermodels and pedigreed women—why would he want me? The lack of an answer kept me doubting what had really occurred between him and me.

  And then there was his ridiculous offer to pay off my student loans in exchange for hanging on him like arm candy. How on earth did I qualify for that? If I were another type of girl, one with dollar signs in the eyes, I’d be all over his—what did he call it?—proposition. Fortunately, money didn’t speak to me beyond what I needed for survival. The only temptation was the opportunity to spend more time with that delicious specimen of a man. But I’d already been through this—it was not a good idea.

  Besides, if I’d understood him correctly, the option to spend time with him stood with or without accepting his job.

  Not an option, Laynie!

  It was a confusing idea anyway. Sleep with him without a relationship but pretend to have a relationship. Why not just have a relationship?

  And there I was, already trying to make his offer more than it was.

  I sighed and stretched my arms above my head. Clearly I wasn’t going back to sleep and Hudson was too much to contemplate without coffee. I turned over and grabbed my phone to read my text, secretly hoping it was from him.

  It was from my brother. “Be there in twenty.”

  I sat up, panicked. Did I forget a visit fro
m Brian?

  Scrolling through my texts I saw he’d sent one at seven in the morning. “Court cancelled. Taking a fast train to NYC. We need to have lunch.”

  I threw my phone onto the bed next to me and groaned. As my only living relative, I loved Brian with extreme depth and neediness. But his role in my life had transformed from sibling to caretaker when I was sixteen after the death of my parents, and in an effort to compensate for all he knew I’d lost, he’d alienated me in many ways.

  He’d also saved me, and I’d be eternally grateful.

  Plus he paid the rent for my apartment. So when Brian trekked out from Boston on a weekday to have lunch, I better be ready and waiting. Even though I knew a surprise visit couldn’t mean anything good.

  I took a deep breath and jumped out of bed. I didn’t have time for a shower. Brian and the patrons of whatever swank place he took me to would have to settle for the smelly version of me. I pulled on a pair of taupe dress slacks and a cream blouse and sprayed myself with a generous amount of Pear Blossom Body Spray before throwing my long brown hair into a messy bun. I’d just located my keys and purse when my phone rang.

  I pulled the door closed behind me and stepped toward the elevator as I answered.

  “I’m outside your building,” Brian said.

  “Hello to you, too.” Never any small talk for Brian. I hit the elevator call button and waited.

  “Whatever, sassafrass. We have reservations in fifteen minutes at The Peacock Alley. Are you ready?”

  I rolled my eyes at his restaurant choice. How unoriginal of him to pick the Waldorf. “Already on my way down. You know, you could have used the apartment buzzer instead of calling.”

  “But then you couldn’t walk and talk like you are.”

  “And I’m about to lose you now as I get in the elevator. See you in a sec.” I wasn’t certain that the elevator would cause our call to drop, but I was facing a whole lunch hour with Brian. I needed the fifty-second reprieve.

  “There she is,” Brian said to no one when I walked out of the front door of my apartment building. The apartment had been Brian’s pick since he was footing the bill, and I was sure that its proximity to the Waldorf had been half of the reason he’d chosen it. No one could mistake the place as classy, but the location was killer. My only gripe was the lack of a subway to the west side, but that only became a problem in bad weather.

  “Hey, Bri,” I said throwing my arms around him. “It’s good to see you.”

  “You too.” He pulled away and looked me up and down. “You look terrible, Laynie. Like you need more sleep.”

  “Gee, thanks.” We started toward the restaurant. “I didn’t get off work until five. Yeah, I’m a bit tired.”

  “Isn’t it time you started working a more normal job? Something nine to five like?”

  “I work nine to five. Just not the same nine to five you work.” As if Brian worked nine to five. He was a workaholic, often burning the midnight oil working on his latest case. If his paralegal hadn’t been his type, he never would have gotten married. The man had no social life. I’d be surprised to learn he had a sex life, even with a new wife.

  “You know what I mean.”

  We’d only been together five minutes and he was already picking. If that was an indicator of how lunch was going to go, I’d rather skip the meal and get right to whatever bug was up his ass. “What brings you out here, Brian?”

  He studied me, deciding whether to show his cards yet or not. He chose not. “Can’t a brother come visit his only sister on a whim? I still feel bad for missing your graduation.”

  I hid my eye roll. He could have made my graduation if he’d wanted to, and we both knew it. But we had to play the game of happy family. “You’re a busy hotshot lawyer. I get it.”

  “I sense the sarcasm in your voice, Laynie.”

  My brother excelled at reading people, making him a force to be reckoned with in the courtroom. “Okay, I was pissed you didn’t come. Does that make you happy?” Actually, I’d been hurt. He’d had the date for almost nine months. How could I not feel low priority? “I’m over it now, though, so forget it.”

  We’d reached the hotel, which gave us the perfect chance to drop the subject. At the restaurant, we were seated right away, and I let the new environment transform me from outwardly brooding to introspective.

  I deliberated for a long time about my menu choice, annoying Brian who knew what he wanted instantly. When the tempo of his leg bouncing under the table accelerated, I settled on a house salad. God, the man had no patience. He should take a lesson from Hudson.

  The thought of Hudson brought warmth to my body and a furrow to my brow. Something was poking at the edge of my thoughts, something I couldn’t quite grasp.

  Brian chatted with me casually, keeping me from focusing on what perplexed me about Hudson. He briefly told me about a case he was working on and about the renovations he and Monica had done to their brownstone.

  When he’d finished a decent portion of his meal, about the same time I thought I’d shoot myself over the banality of our conversation, Brian cleared his throat. “Laynie, I’m not here to catch up. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about our situation lately and have realized that you’re a grown woman with an excellent education. It’s time for you to assume more responsibility for yourself. I’m not doing you a favor by enabling you.”

  I took a long swallow of my water, contemplating how to react to his sudden statement. Old connotations of the word “enable” stung me. Was he insinuating that I wasn’t well? And how was I not responsible for myself? I was living and working in the Big Apple—if that didn’t take responsibility, I didn’t know what did.

  Ever impatient, Brian didn’t wait for me to choose my response. “I can’t let you throw your life away at a nightclub. You are too vulnerable to work in that type of establishment.”

  The Sky Launch. Brian had never liked me working there, not from day one. But he’d accepted it because I’d kept out of trouble. Had he now forgotten? “I haven’t had any issues since I’ve worked there.”

  “You had school to keep you occupied. You need something more challenging to focus on.”

  Never mind that I’d worried about the exact same thing myself, I was pissed. “Brian, I know how to handle my triggers. And what do you know about it? You never went to any support meetings.”

  His voice rose uncomfortably high for the serene surroundings. “Because I’m not your parent!”

  That was the crux of the whole conversation. Brian had been forced into parenting me and I’d always suspected he resented me for it. Now I knew for sure.

  He stared at his near empty plate. When he spoke again it was quieter. “Look, Monica’s having a baby.”

  And everything clicked into understanding. I was being replaced. “Congratulations.”

  “I need to focus my energy and money on her and the baby. It’s time for you to be grown-up.” He straightened in his seat, as if to strengthen his position. “I’m not paying for the apartment anymore.”

  “But I can’t afford to pay for the apartment! Not right now with my student loans about to be due.” I was painfully aware that I sounded petulant and spoiled, but I had always assumed he’d help me for a while longer. It wasn’t like he didn’t have the money.

  “Then maybe you better look for a better paying job.”

  “Brian, that’s not fair.”

  “Think about everything I’ve been through with you and then talk to me about fair.”

  He couldn’t have hurt me more with any other words. “I haven’t had any problems in a long time,” I whispered.

  “You violated a restraining order.”

  “Over four years ago!”

  “I’m sorry, Laynie. I can’t support you anymore.” His words were final. He’d made his decision; there would be no convincing him otherwise.

  I saw what it had done to him, the years of caring for a mentally disturbed sibling. I’d known—I’d always known�
��but had never wanted to believe that my actions had hurt him so deeply. It stirred an old ache I had buried.

  But I was also angry. I might not be fragile anymore, but I certainly wasn’t steady on my own. Not financially anyway. I needed his support now as much as ever and as shitty as it was, he was my only family. I had no one else.

  I threw my napkin on the table and, not sure if I hoped to sound more sincere or snotty, said, “Thanks, Brian. Thanks for everything.” I grabbed my purse from the back of my chair and walked out of The Peacock Alley, careful not to look back. I wanted to appear strong and stoic. Turning back would give my brother a good look at my tears.

  I let myself cry until I left the hotel. Once on the street, the city bustle and grit steeled me. I didn’t need Brian. I could do it on my own. Sure he’d helped me foot the bill since my crazy antics had ran through all of my inheritance money, but support and responsibility was much more than throwing cash around.

  I hurried back to my apartment, aware that Brian didn’t try to stop me or call me. I spent the next hour behind my computer, figuring out my bills and expenses, searching for ways to make cuts. With a promotion at the club—which wasn’t guaranteed—I could pay for my apartment. But I wouldn’t be able to afford my student loans when they went into repayment the next month.

  Brian had effectively trapped me. Not a bad strategy. The Laynie from a day before would have to give into his wishes, taking a job at one of the high paying corporate offices that had pursued me at graduation.

  Fortunately, I had another option.

  Taking a deep breath, I picked up my cell phone and pushed redial. God, was I really doing this? I was. And if I was honest about it, I was glad for the excuse. Maybe I really should have been thanking Brian.

  The number Hudson had called the night before rang only once before he answered. “Alayna.” His voice was smooth and sexy. Not sexy like he was coming on to me but like the sex he exuded naturally.

  The confidence threw me. “Uh, hi, Hudson.”

  I paused.